F3: 3 things to avoid for a peaceful life..!!

“Letting go of certain things can open the door to true contentment in life”.

• Unknown

Do you feel not-so-happy and not-at peace many times in your life?

Are these thoughts common and you are not sure what to do about them? Are the situations around making you feel suffocated but you are unaware of what you can do about it?

Do you want to be at peace and be happy but confused about the process?

We all go through this phase when even though everything looks fancy and lovely from outside, you are struggling to be at peace. And the worst part is that you are unable to explain it to anyone. It may be due to many factors- not having a good job, not being able to meet targets at work, chaos at home, turmoil with friends, misunderstanding with kids, etc. The list as always is never ending.

However, I have tried to cover it all for you.

Achieving real happiness and true peace isn’t a one-step process. It's an alteration of a current lifestyle; it’s trimming the fat and removing what is bringing negativity in your life. It is realising the difference between what is worth your time and energy and what is not.

The feat is not easy, but once the process begins, you will ask yourself why you didn’t make any of these changes sooner. Despite what many believe, it's not too late to bring happiness and peace in your life.

To be at peace during chaotic and taxing circumstances, you must be ready to look into the eye of the storm, knowing how uncomfortable you may feel, and be willing to accept it.

And, accepting it does not mean that you do nothing, it only means that instead of running or resisting, you stand tall in the face of all that life brings because you are committed to bringing about a transformation.

It is when you stop designing ways to avoid your problems and instead find the courage to move forward with an open mind and heart, that you start enjoying peace, and gain confidence you need to move on.

Here are the three main changes which you may adopt for a more peaceful and happier life:

1. Act, don’t react:

Many of us feel like if we don’t react to other people’s negative actions or flaws, people could possibly perceive us as weak because they hurt us and we don’t react. However, this is no way to live a peaceful life.

See it this way- most of the time, when we react to other people’s flaws, you do it without thinking and out of habit. This means- you respond through a fixed pattern, but reacting in the heat of the situation never brings peace or calmness.

Remember: doing nothing also means doing something..!!

Take your time to observe this- whenever you react to issues, it robs you of your peace. Even though you feel like you have measured up to the person by retaliating in anger, you will never feel at peace.

Wondering- what could you do instead?

Act, but do not react!

There is a huge difference between acting and reacting.

Acting is what makes you happy, reacting is what makes you miserable.

Reacting is based on the moment, and it doesn’t take into consideration the consequences that follow. It is like a defense mechanism which is usually automatically activated in a person, which may bring about regret later on.

While, on the other hand, when you act, you make a conscious choice of deciding what you’re going to do. You become responsible for your actions.

So, in such a situation, take a deep breath and think- does this action/situation need my reaction? Most of the time, the answer will be no. Stay quiet. Stay low. Speak, if need be but be polite. You will feel more powerful and peaceful later.

2. Set boundaries: Avoid drama instead of involving yourself in it:

It is very horrific for me to see that many people as adults, still engage in petty behavior, still interfere in the life of others even when they know that the other person does not like it, still try to make others life miserable just for fun and this kind of attitude is beyond me and my understanding. As adults, we must bypass the bullshit and focus on just ourselves instead to poking into others lives. Too much interest and interference in anybody’s life, without their consent is a reason for a lot of our struggles and mental irritation. None of us like interference, right? Then why we do forget that other don’t like it, too?

It does happen. With all of us. Our boss at work, a colleague, a friend, or a family member- if anyone tries to over involve themselves in our lives, it does create frustration and rift in the relationship. But what is that we can do to get away with it?

The simple answer is - set boundaries to avoid drama. Over and unnecessary involvement of anybody in your life will definitely bring drama wherein you will try to get away from those situations. However, the best way to maintain your own peace is to set your own boundaries.

Tell the other person politely (directly or through your actions, if not possible to say it directly) - what and how much you are okay with their involvement. It won't be easy. The other person may not take it easy and may try to do things which may upset you further. But the best way is to keep your calm. Go slow. Set boundaries one by one. And once you set your boundaries, stick to them. Follow them and let them know that you are not going to go back, you are not allowing them anymore in your life beyond this, no matter what. It might be difficult in the beginning, but you and everyone around will be at peace very soon.

3. Listen to your heart:

Only you can make your life calm, peaceful and simple. If you would keep listening to others and let them control you, then your life would definitely become difficult. And if you let this keep going then you would not be able to achieve what you wish to. So always listen to your heart and do what you think is best for you.

People will have problems anyway. You cannot make everyone happy at all times. No matter how hard you may try, your best will never be enough. So why fret, eh?

Always be good to people, be kind, think positive but keep yourself as your priority. People will try to bring you down but you have to remember- follow your heart.

Beyond these three important changes, there are a few more things to adapt to have a more peaceful life:

4. Stop saying YES always:

Learning to say no is one of the most freeing and powerful things you can learn in your lifetime. Rarely do people say no to someone if they don’t have an excuse. You need to realize that not wanting to do something is an excuse enough. Do what you enjoy to do rather than trying to fulfil everyone else’s wishes at all times. Remember- your best will never be enough.

5. Taking on more than you can handle:

Life is one huge balancing act and if you bury yourself under too many tasks, you may never emerge again. Learning how to prioritise is an essential skill in life and one that will render a lifetime of happiness and peace.

So, use principle number 4 and take only what you can handle. It is all right to do less. What is important is to do everything to the best of your ability and excel in it. Enjoy what you do and see how your life will be filled with happiness and joy.

6. Comparing yourself to others:

You are not someone else and no matter how you may try, you can never be. And my darling, you need not to be. You are amazing, just the way you are. So, stop trying to become someone else, stop trying to work like someone else and focus on being a better version of yourself every day.

And remember:

Do you relate to these issues as well? Are these principles helpful to you in any way? Do you have any other idea which might help others to be at peace?

Do share your thoughts and ideas in the comment section below.